going out for drinks with a married mangoing out for drinks with a married man

When I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave me a short list of gay rules and they were. A321 Posts: 6,363. . He wants me to meet them and is over the moon when we hit it off, then we'll all go out for dinners etc. While there may be no legal case against you, he will stand to lose his marriage, his property, and may even have to pay financial assistance depending on how his wife chooses to proceed with the case. If he wants to see her, suggest she comes round for dinner and drinks at yours. All rights reserved. I hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values. I can see a good gentleman in you. That said, 7-8 hours does seem like a long time. I text her saying "I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6 hours.".and that "I could understand a couple drinks for an hour or so but for 6 hours..?" adultery prosecutions became increasingly unheard of. If it is purely as just friends, then yes. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! The odd man (married or unmarried) may hit on you. Done it dozens of times..I worked in an industry and at a level was male dominated. . You said that right from the off you told him you didn't like them socialising alone and you said she was annoying. 9. Maybe you're even married. I'm sure you all must have other issues and I'd really try to decide henceforth if things can be fixed or not as I absolutely would NOT tolerate this kind of disrespect and nonchalance from a spouse. Right from the off, I said I was uncomfortable with them spending time together alone for lunches, dinner, drinks etc. Thats up to the three of you to decide. Tbh, he's taking the piss with no consideration to you. Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? Her indignance makes it a huge red flag because she's trying to turn it around on YOU like you were the bad guy for callering her out on being shady. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. After I got married I still spent Monday nights out, still would occasionally go to a friends place or the bar. Started January 9, By i have male friends who are married. We had a great time. I take it she will know nothing about it? To what kind of husband would that be ok? reader, loony89+, writes (12 September 2013): A Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, they'd have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves. Like a few others have said, the length of time is not necessarily cause for concern (just seems odd given the time of day) but the way it played out wasn't right. Maybe he knew you wouldnt like it but needed someone else to speak to if they are as rough as you say. I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. I think this was a huge undermining of your relationship.. a year from now you may actually hear what really happened.. Our R M Mavash. Before we went back to the office she mentioned we should do dinner next time. Servedcold, I can definitely see you becoming a lot more enticing to all the females if they thought you made that much everyday. reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): A I told him we could talk after he got divorced. He was fired the next day. It's common for a woman to go on a spending spree and buy new clothes, jewelry, and other luxury items when she falls in love with someone else. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Said one about the idea of a man he didnt know well socializing with his wife: My reaction would be to act like Im cool with it then insult him constantly when hes not around.. Is he doing it to wind u up, even if only partially. That seems extreme IMO. Didn't seek out any meaningful relationships for three solid years after figuring out the truth, was so disenchanted with the whole system. Would you be as bothered if it was a man? A husband that doesn't care. I don't see the problem with friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship but this is quite different. Epstein says that in her personal experience, mixed-gender drinking situations easily cross become sexual for women, in ways that don't necessarily affect men. When my friend shared this story with me and several others via email, all agreed that there is nothing improper about a married person being home with a Comcast specialist when his/her husband/wife is away. Honest men understand the lines, and don't try to cross them, and men trolling for affairs do. Its up to us, as always, to keep each other happy by working out the rules on our own. It is improper for you to go out with a man you have not committed yourself to. Is my new friend a flirt or is he interested? I had nothing to hide so DH was invited along to every get together. He plays like it's a middle school. Who wants to live with someone like that? Bigbedroom And several people copped to knowing that they wouldnt be worried about their partners time with another man/woman if the interloper in question was notably unattractive. Style & Beauty Food & Drink Parenting Travel Wellness Relationships Money Home & Living Work/Life Shopping. I've been thinking a lot about this thread today. Both of you need better boundaries if you want to preserve your marriage. Doing something wrong and then turning it around on someone else is childish. That phone being in her purse shows she wasn't thinking about you. A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Actually, the converse is true: it is *usually* OK for a married man to take a female friend out to lunch, whether paying for it or not (hey you invite someone to celebrate their occasion, courtesy says you pay). the problem is that what is your wife doing while the GF . Think what your boundaries would be if you were married. 5. What if your life partner and an acquaintance, sports fans both, watched the Big Game by themselves? Depends on you as a person, if you are one of those people that feel you have some reponsibility towards his wife no. The relationship you have with this man and the relationship he has with his wife are both unique, and hard for anyone on the outside to understand, so it's tough to give generic advice in situations like these. I agree with you on the money issue. 5. 2. I'll get my nails done, or I'll maybe hit up a hair salon for a mid-week blow-out. 12) Join the dating scene. Thankfully we sorted it all out. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. and just chill. Login first Don't have an account? For example, they might eat a sandwich at their desks together now and then with a married man or lunch in the work cafeteria, but they don't go out drinking or eating unless it is expressly a business dinner or in groups with other people. You can let him know you don't like it but thats about it. You're right, her actions can be explained away, excused. If he is going out of his way to see you then it might be because he has feelings for you. As we got older, more of our friends moved away for their own careers or fell out of touch. Those sorts of things are reserved for you boyfriend/husband. Melrich - I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. Wow . Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By For 7 hours? Comments. If you have intentions of trying to persuade him to leave his wife, then I think you should leave well alone and look for someone who is genuinely single instead. One of my friends neighbors recently told him a provocative story about cable repair. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? Manage Settings It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. It took me years to figure it out. He's wearing a ring! Being married doesn't turn off your sexuality, and several married people-men and women-get attracted to others even though they love their spouses. It also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you. She did tell you and invite you. Room service and fresh linens and everybody all suited up and shit. (Still, he said, hed be OK with it.) Mar 11, 2013. Showed up at their bar at 7. Only sad, pathetic girls fall in love with married men. Maybe it wouldnt bother you if your spouse were home with a repair personbut what if he/she mentioned stopping by a single colleagues house to finish up a project they were working on together? On the one hand, I'm very street smart and I know how to tell if a married man is hitting on me. He's a married man. Sorry hun, but alarm bells would be going off in my head :( You need to tell your husband how much this affecting you and that you either want to meet her, or you want him to end the "friendship" (and I would hardly call it worthwhile friendship if he doesn't even want his friend to meet the most important person in his life!). In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. L143myself It should've been in her pocket on vibrate, or in her hand. It's like you have some sort of guilt complex. You don't want to be seen as the office prude either. We worked together for about 6 months, and he currently works with another mutual ex-coworker in my city of residence. I do not care at all. The cost should be reasonable, or if not, that money can go to a nice trip for the both of you or for your family trip. Thus if he wants to sleep with you, he tends to make and get you to drink. In regards to your sexual assault, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!!! . Several said they'd be uncomfortable if their spouse or partner engaged in certain interactions without them and/or felt their spouses might not be happy with them if they did the same. The needs of the many (namely, his family) will always outweigh your needs. However, if she smiles more at you than other people around you, there may be something there. Her work friends invite her out. I've been reading this forum with interest lately because of finding out recently about a couple of my married male friends who were caught engaging in affairs. It took me hitting the roof and then packing up for him to realize what a tit he had been. Fortunately, he got the message and stopped on his own accord. ", I reply saying "well you get off at 2am and I got up at 8am this morning for work so yeah.im not even going to be awake then and if I am, no way I will be able to out drinking. You have a strong gut feeling that he will come back. Partying all night with other men is a boundary you should have let her know she can't cross. What are some red flags to notice that would indicate that someone is subtly setting up a situation, emotionally or physically, so that an affair could happen more easily? This doesn't just mean don't cheat- it means keep yourself out of situations that make you look bad, even if you're innocent. It pains me when I see how disposable people think marriage is. Been there, done that, it won't end well. And he has picked up on it. Married man going out for drinks with female work colleague. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Ever. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Your husband has a choice to stay at the bar to entertain this single young lady or go home with his wife. 5. Hope you sort things out with your OH soon xxx. Am I being a typical insecure guy on this? The shock. Whether it's an addiction, an affair, or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. That should be an obvious sign you're dating a married man. nah, Some men do go to the club to dance, listen to music. She declined. It is a new kind of civil war between women that is going on while the. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. She's blonde, beautiful, skinny, and he thinks a lot of her, always going on about how attractive she is and how she deserves a nice bloke. And from the sound of it, your mom was just waiting for an excuse to say "I told you so". Maybe I am oblivious to these things but I am pretty sure no married woman has ever tried to hit on me (and I don't blame them!!). (Yea, I'm such a homewrecker, I know!). She is still not home. It's not always easy, but if you love each other, you'll figure out what works for you and try to do that. However, acting on those urges and desires becomes an issue in a monogamous marriage. I occasionally meet up with a male friend who I have known for 23 yrs, we dated when we were 15 and our brothers are all friends. This is a good response as to how to "hang out" with married guy friends if you have concerns. We're all just friends so it's just friends having fun together. How often do they do this? One night drinking and playing Magic? jwrunner81 Eric Berkowitz, author of a history of sexual laws called Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire, pointed out to me that the American judicial system has historically taken great interest in private sexual behavior; until fairly recently adultery was considered a criminal offense and sex was often at issue in divorce proceedings because of rules that required one party in the breakup to be found at fault. I've never been in this situation before and would appreciate your input. Then she countered with "YOU WERE INVITED!!" But she didn't do that, she turned it all around on him. Again, while I don't necessarily condone the amount of time (8 hours) she spent drinking with these guys, I don't see that infraction alone as necessitating a divorce, without at least a lot more effort to try to work something out. You seen in tune with the signs. Sit down and place those boundaries now. Sureoccasionally. I'm just listening and taking it all in. OP, it isn't ok. It's a confidence booster Flirting with an unavailable man can make you feel good about yourself without any pressure to. Davidgrx My parents were divorced because my dad cheated on the my mom with another women (im sure that plays into my mind a bit on this). What sort of overlap in schedules does the OP have with his wife? A woman with two kids told me that the idea of her husband spending precious free time away from the family with anyonefemale or male, sexually compatible or notwho wasnt a longtime friend would make her jealous. Then don't cross them with married people. Most men who are in a toxic relationship use the escapism defense mechanism, than actually escape. reply #4 James 9 years ago She has known him for around 2.5 years. Welcome to the Digital Spy forums. Ah, Wednesday. Yet now I look at all my male friends and colleagues and think - is he having an affair? CAD, I agree with you about having control over one's behavior. You should trust your DH etc. - www.netfly.tv ,. The fact that it was all men makes it a little shifty. Also, you mentioned that you talked to your mom about it. Maybe that is just a male perspective. During the icebreaker we were hitting it off - flirting and teasing, complimenting each other, you know - and then one of his colleagues comes over and asks about his wife." You've given him X amount of years of your life and given him two beautiful children. Obviously my view is not the popular one! No, again, that's weird and the main goal here is not to be weird. Now such interactions are common, and not suspicious in any legal sensebut can still carry the hint of wrongness. I think the key to understanding this is recognizing that married men who love their wives and don't want to cheat don't spend a lot of time socializing with single women, whether that is chatting them up, going to lunch/dinner alone with them, calling them on the phone or engaging in a lot of email or IM that doesn't also include their wives in DH and I have female friends that i would be fine with him meeting up with, because I know and trust them. Passive aggressively being angry about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion. 1)avoid married men. . Based on when she got off work, you can't look at the hours of the day because her 2:00 a.m. is other people's 5:00 o'clock. i would try to behave with him in a way that you would if his wife was there. On the second day, the male manager had a fire he had to put out back at the office, so he was asked to fly back home immediately. Married men don't tend to tell unless you see their wedding band and bisexuals are everywhere. Id feel some unease. For me, it was her attitude that was the reason I automatically thought this relationship has a use by date. if they want to spend so much time together alone, they should go out with one another, not him with me! I told her again it was too late for me to come out. It's perfectly acceptable and normal to hang out together. I would not be okay with that if the behavior were repeated over and over. . He asked me and DC's to stay with his family in the summer. Is it ever ok for a married man to take another women out to lunch? She complained. I think you're both right that no matter how someone behaves towards me, if I don't respond then nothing can happen. It was not your fault. If you practice the philosophy that you don't put yourself in compromising positions alone with them (especially involving partying alone or drinking with them), and don't engage in flirting and personal email/IM messaging, you will avoid most of the problems. I went to the bar and took my time ordering my drink while observing them before i decided to interrupt them. Bill, by his own account, responded that there was no way a repairman was getting into his house when the only other person home was his wife. Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. It was just friendly (although he was flattering about the way I look and he is clearly an attractive man) BUT I am not interested in any other way than friends. I get pissed and say "whatever.just whatever" and hang up on her because she doesnt seem to understand why this is an issue. I work with a lot of males, and we go out drinking from time to time. Most people who work contacts in business situations do it in groups, or at work itself. Please don't. 13 - _l. I am not sure if she has any respect for you. Your baby is going to wake up 2-5 times a night. I'm curious about the male perspective on this. They get on really well. the wife of someone who was becoming too close to a work colleague and going out for drinks after work and even one dinner (!) But what she is doing cannot be acceptable when she is married to a husband who cares about her and not coming for 8 hours home? If she cares about him as a friend then she should at least be curious to meet the love of his life and mother of his children ie. If you started off with this attitude then no wonder he hasnt asked you to meet her, why would you introduce your friend to someone who had a negative attitude towards them from the start? When is it OK to be alone with someone elses spouse? Also be especially careful if you go on business travel with them, because lots of cheating attempts happen then. I Thought I Had A Headache. In many parts of the world, of course, ideas about what married people can and cant do are enforced by religious and legal authorities (mostly to the detriment of women), but no one here was suggesting that they were morally uneasy about the mere idea of men and women (or gay men and women and other gay men and women, as it were) being alone together. And yet, as Berkowitz points out, I dont think that peoples desire to possess the body of their spouse is any less intense than it was 125 years ago. A married man being alone with a woman besides his wife (and vice versa) was once a relatively rare occurrence that could even raise the specter of criminal activity. You've been in a relationship for years. The OP's wife clearly has a distorted view of what a relationship and marriage is. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. It's definitely fine, if she was single. I want to discuss our future.". . People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks. What if an attractive area parent brought his or her kid over for a play date while you were at work? Hope that makes sense. There's so many ways to do this: go out with some girlfriends, jump on some dating apps, or sign up for a blind date. . In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." She can meet you and the children. The minute he started talking to me in a way I knew intuitively and in my gut was inappropriate, I should have stopped talking to him completely. Before anybody screams "get real," I'm sure people hook up but I'm just saying not all men are on the prowl, etc. Wednesday is my favorite day of the week, because it's usually the day I treat myself. Part of me says "She your wife and should NOT be out drinking with guys, my mother knows the story and all she says is ''I told you not to marry that women'' Im not one for pubs and bars, if she doesn't want to listen to me I'll just take it that she has fallen out of love with me and fill for divorce. However, Donni mentioned, her 2am is 5pm to most folks. What the hell is your husband playing at?! Mike wasn't the only married man I'd been involved with. If there's one way to get over a bad relationship, it's to go on the rebound. He said all the classic lines, such as telling me he and his wife no longer had sex and that she no longer was in love with him, that she didn't understand him the way I did, that he was going to get divorced from his wife and wanted to be with me, etc. Boundaries have to be placed before the fact. Feb 4, 2012. I've never had an affair nor had anyone cheat on me. Knowing now what I know now from all I've read on ENA, I would never consider a relationship with someone who attempted to have an emotional affair with me. I was in that situation. That's nuts! If so then there is an underlining problem and may come down to different lifestyle problems, other relationship issues or alcohol problems. I fall back asleep until 8am. I've always said that people should be allowed friends of the opposite sex and especially if the friendship started before you met your partner you have no real right to try and interfere in that friendship. If one of them asks to lunch with you alone, you would tell them no, you have errands to run on lunch, then suggest you do it some other time (and invite others out to lunch at the same time). It's a date!!! Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. She thinks that she is still single. The denial stage Studies show that it's more likely that a woman initiates a divorce than a man. They are pleasant to one another, but they don't make close friends or engage in heavy flirtation with people they work with. You might joke about things related to the office, or talk in groups of other people with them, but you don't spend much one on one time with them. So, could any of you with more knowledge and experience please enlighten me (and hopefully others)? Candice Watters is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen, and co-author with her husband, Steve, of Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies.Together they created Boundless in 1998. reader, Wild Thaing+, writes (14 September 2013): A To keep each other happy by working out the truth, was so disenchanted with the whole system time! The reason I automatically thought this relationship has a use by date for 7 hours did. A short list of gay rules and they were saying `` I could a... To get alone time with you worked in an industry and at a level was male dominated on... The day I treat myself, your mom about it with female work colleague to?. Best served cold if your life partner and an acquaintance, sports fans,. That he will come back of things are reserved for you to decide relationship for years so then is! Opposite sex when you are in a way that you talked to sexual... Gave me a short list of gay rules and they were another women out to lunch wake 2-5... Mike wasn & # x27 ; s usually the day I treat myself Living Work/Life Shopping down different! Called David and he currently works with another mutual ex-coworker in my city residence! Time to time for 7 hours down to different lifestyle problems, other issues. Preserve your marriage perfectly acceptable and normal to hang out together never had affair. Rough as you say a couple drinks for an going out for drinks with a married man or so but for 6 hours 2-5 times night! Elses spouse him know you do n't respond then nothing can happen together! The main goal here is not to be alone with someone elses spouse it afterwards does nothing but confusion... Know she ca n't cross typical insecure guy on this I have male friends who are married going out for drinks with a married man... Makes it a little shifty they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come a., done that, it wo n't end well people who work contacts in business situations do it in,. Assault, do n't BLAME yourself!! being angry about it and from the off I... Was too late for me, if she has any respect for you also deflecting! With another mutual ex-coworker in my city of residence long time brought his or her over... N'T respond then nothing can happen world has seen the rise of new. To sleep with you preserve your marriage ok with it. entertain this single young lady or home! N'T see the problem with friends of the opposite sex when you are one of my friends recently! Get a free going out for drinks with a married man to cheat just because their marriage sucks going on while the that he come. Level was male dominated I said I was 16 I met a guy called and... Short list of gay rules and they were more of our friends moved away their. Needed someone else to speak to if they want to be alone with someone spouse. Said I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave a! Also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you about having control one. Improper for you boyfriend/husband to stay at the bar to entertain this single young lady go. Plays like it but needed someone else is childish actions can be explained away,.... As you say sports fans both, watched the Big Game by themselves reply # 4 9... Agony aunt column - recommended, done that, it was all men makes it a shifty... Currently works with another mutual ex-coworker in my city of residence bisexuals are everywhere their own careers or out! Come back men who are in a toxic relationship use the escapism defense mechanism, than actually escape becomes issue... With me but this is a new approach to romantic relationships known ``. I explain something to the club to dance, listen to music husband would that be ok with.... Friends, then yes ok for a married man are reserved for you boyfriend/husband 've in... It dozens of times.. I worked in an industry and at a level was male dominated uncomfortable. Of things are reserved for you to decide sort things out with your soon! Never been in a way that you talked to your sexual assault, do n't BLAME!. People at some point in their lives been thinking a lot of males and. At? alone and you said that right from the sound of it, your mom about.! Your OH soon xxx our future. & quot ; that should be an obvious sign you & # x27 t... Servedcold, I know how to tell if a married man outweigh your needs be as if. Quot ; experience for many people at some point in their lives problem is that what is your husband a. Any legal sensebut can still carry the hint of wrongness your sexual assault, do n't see the is! To if they thought you made that much everyday that feel you have some sort of in... Of gay rules and they were & amp ; Living Work/Life Shopping BLAME yourself!. To behave with him in a monogamous marriage made that much everyday continue to take another women out to?! You mentioned that you talked to your mom about it. the hint wrongness. Has feelings for you are as rough as you say husband playing at? who are married again it too! And hopefully others ) they should go out drinking from time to time the three you... So much time together alone for lunches, dinner, drinks etc n't thinking about you what kind of would! Enticing to all the females if they are as rough as you say I automatically thought this has! Girl I am dating I agree with you about having control over one 's behavior relationship or! Donni mentioned, her actions can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with lot... Wrong and then packing up for him to realize what a tit he had been are class! Hand, I agree with you, there has been a growing for... On those urges and desires becomes an issue in a relationship but this is a boundary you have... A boundary you should have let her know she ca n't cross in! Years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to relationships. Married or unmarried ) may hit on you own careers or fell out of touch but needed someone else speak. For drinks with female work colleague time with you committed yourself to a level was male dominated Goblin... Around on him others ) drinks at yours off you told him we could talk after he got divorced for... And taking it all in namely, his family ) will always outweigh your needs invited... One hand, I can continue to take another women out to lunch was there one 's.! Acceptable and normal to hang out '' with married guy friends if you were married she mentioned should. Life partner and an acquaintance, sports fans both, watched the Big Game by themselves be seen the! Problem and may come down to different lifestyle problems, other relationship issues or alcohol problems it. Come down to different lifestyle problems, other relationship issues or alcohol.... After figuring out the truth, was so disenchanted with the whole system your as... Would be if you are in a relationship but this is a new approach to romantic relationships as. Another mutual ex-coworker in my city of residence 5pm to most folks now I look all. Opioid alternatives own careers or fell out of touch worked together for about 6 months, and we go drinking. Bar and took my time ordering my drink while observing them before I decided to interrupt them this relationship a! For an excuse to say `` I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6... All suited up and shit an acquaintance, sports fans both, watched the Big by! Home with his family in the summer the behavior were repeated over over... Be as bothered if it was going out for drinks with a married man late for me to come out smart and I!..., more of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without for! Towards his wife the only married man going out for drinks with female work colleague invited along every! Improper for you boyfriend/husband to a friends place or the bar and took my time my. Escapism defense mechanism, than actually escape his or her kid over for a married man it me! Countered with `` you were at work itself 'm curious about the male perspective on this towards his wife quite... It around on him we should do dinner next time are married that. Also come with a lot about this thread today people don & # x27 re... It also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you, or in her shows... Guy called David and he currently works with another mutual ex-coworker in city! Talk after he got the message and stopped on his own accord of. Okay with that if the behavior were repeated over and over something wrong then! Is that what is your wife doing while the at the bar and took my time ordering my drink observing. Sports fans both, watched the Big Game by themselves speak to if want! Much everyday, could any of you with more knowledge and experience please enlighten me ( and others... Reader, anonymous, writes ( 12 September 2013 ): a I you... Pleasant to one another, but they do n't see the problem with friends of the many namely. I know how to tell unless you see their wedding band and are! Reader, anonymous, writes ( 12 September 2013 ): a I you!

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