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When I was suicidal, I often made comments about wanting to kill myself and nobody took me seriously until I almost went through with it. 822 Viewers 17,167 Page flips 473 Followers 347 Stories. We have tried to tell her to call one of us in to discipline him, but she does not do so consistently. Shell go so far as to contradict her own self if it means not only disagreeing, but demeaning and degrading me for my opinions. Sign up for Slate Plus now. Uh, No Thanks. I do want to point out, in regard to the idea of specialness, that in many families in which English is the language spoken at home, the grandmothers are called Grandma X and Grandma Y, or Nana X and Nana Y, without issue. How can I be a supportive figure in her life and not alienate her from a relationship with her biological mom? Now I see my mom still living that life. Ive asked Ella a few times about whether shes serious when she says these things, and she acts like Im the weird one for worrying that she might actually be suicidal! Photos by polkadot and denisik11/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Its anonymous! Hes a loving man so she stays and I understand how tough that would be. What are parents of bisexual teens supposed to do about sleepovers? From now on Nelson's Column only existed in his mind. Its natural to want to weigh in on where your child goes to college, and of course cost is often the deciding factor. Most of the time you hear of parents who each have ideas for names that the other parent always shoots down. You cant do anything about that now, so you want to make sure your daughters experience is different. Ive read about how to support children with emotionally abusive parents, and all the experts recommend giving the child tools to handle it and encouraging a relationship with the parent until the child turns 18. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. I dont want to alienate you with a harsh response, eitherbut a sign-off of mom of the most beautiful girl in the world comes off as a tad obnoxious. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. But even my wife, who is so adamant, isnt sure about how to address this with her mother. I cant speak to your relationship with your husband because youve said little about it. My husband thinks itd be cute, I have heard testimony from (perhaps overdramatic) identical twins telling me being named Anna and Hannah ruined their lives. I hate seeing pictures of healthy newborns. Slate Advice Columns Dear Prudence Care and Feeding How To Do It This thread is archived New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast comments sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A [deleted] Additional comment actions [removed] Reply Allianoraa Additional comment actions I happen to know of two sets of twins with similar names and they experienced all types of emotional trauma growing up and spent a ton of time and money in therapists offices because of it. To have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with two adolescents and their 45-year-old mother? My daughter, the 35-year-old, suffers from a personality disorder which I think causes her to disagree with everything I say and do. Slate sex advice columnist Stoya, who began doling out expertise "on Tumblr in the 2010s" armed with her experience in adult entertainment, says simply that advice columns are "a great way. This should absolutely be a hill you should die on. If you need to talk, or if you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, text theCrisis Text Lineat 741-741 or call or text 988 to reach theSuicide & Crisis Lifeline. Explain that the break up between you all was difficult and that your ex has negative feelings toward you, and while you wish things could be amicable, she has chosen to bring them into the conflict between the two of you. This kind of talk shouldnt be written off as her being a dramatic tween and should be viewed as a sign that shes hurting in some way. Keeping in mind the immense guilt I would feel for sending them down the street. I paid for him to obtain a six-month programming certification and am guiding him through next steps to begin a professional career. You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. Recently, a flood of race-centered questions has taken center stage in the column. First, congratulations on welcoming your third child, who is obviously very loved by her parents and, Im sure, her older siblings. But where your daughters are concerned, Id suggest you be frank with them about your wish to connect with them. I dont want to ask my kids What did your mom say about me this week? and I definitely dont want to put them in a difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their parents. Explain that you know its difficult for them to hear these things about you and that you dont want them to be caught in the drama between you and your ex, but that you have no choice but to defend yourself. World United States United Kingdom Canada Australia South Africa Israel India France Belgium Switzerland. He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. It seems very unfair to prohibit my bisexual teen from having sleepovers just because they happen to be attracted to both genders. You dont say much about Daisys father, which seems curious to meI cant figure out how he fits into these conversations about Daisys reluctance to spend time with her mother, what his relationship with his daughter is like, or what he has to say about his exs relationship with their daughter before the Solomonic splitting of herbut he needs to be brought into the conversation now. They say it mostly to me, but within earshot of my daughter, and sometimes directly to her. 3 Beds. However, I still find it alarming. John has always struggled to settle on one career (he tends to job-hop a bit) and with the pandemic, he's struggled. Parenting advice on boundaries, new grandparents, and marital trouble. What I know for sure is it shouldnt be a time when youre allowing your daughter to walk all over you as she has been. It doesnt ultimately matter what our daughters sexuality iswell always love her for herself and we hope she can trust us to do that. Forgiveness is a cornerstone of the faith. Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group! My dad is in his 60s now and is starting to deal with a lot of the consequences of his age. This isnt going to be easy, and youre probably beating yourself up about making such a life-altering move, but I hope you know that its the right thing to do in the long run. And of course they may have other reasons, having nothing to do with you, for wanting or needing to stay together.). I can say this honestly and without bias. Of course it never really changed. Youre just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance to understand them. You know she loves you, dont you? Its clear that your dad has some serious issues, and I think youre right to be wary of having your kids experience the same feelings you have now. They are adults. My son-in-law works 20-30 hours a week and my daughter struggles with depression and takes seasonal jobs. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. (Questions may be edited for publication.). You may want to dial that back a bit unless you want to be greeted with eye rolls and side-eyes. and then ensure she sees a mental health professional immediately. I Despise My In-Laws. Im convinced there will be a lot of joy in your familys future, not because everything will be easy, but because you love your kids unconditionally and want to give them all happy, fun, fulfilling childhoods. Dont get defensive or angry when it happens. All English Franais. The night of the dinner, she seemed hesitant about leaving and told me to text her if he was refusing a bottle, reminding me that she could be home in 20 minutes if needed. She has been publishing "Nicole Knows," a potpourri of beauty, pop culture and general life observations and advice since February 2018. Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. But I say all of this with the shadow of your depression over it. I can be too much too, so my heart goes out to you. How should we prepare him? There was a long pause and then she said shed have to think about it. Now I wonder if she thought I was putting off talking to her because of her request for boundaries. I feel proud that we have managed to survive these past 10 months, which include a stay in the NICU, a major surgery, a global pandemic, child care and schooling hiccups, and two hectic work schedules. My partner and I are very upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the situation. Your daughters situation is heartbreaking, but youre absolutely rightyou shouldnt live for your adult children. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. A collection of ask Amy, dear Abby & similar style letters/ advice columns. Every day that you take care of your family and love them and worry for them and get silly with them, youll be doing it, bit by bit. It will be! I Played a Card Game With My Fianc to See Who Does the Most Housework. Dear Care and Feeding, My brother "John" and his wife have three children. I know that sounds trite, but honestly what else can you tell them? If you cant manage a phone conversation, I would put your thoughts in a letter. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. My mom never remarried, but when I was in high school my dad married a younger woman with two toddlers. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Yes, theres a strong chance that your son will be upset at first, but if hes as outgoing as you say he is, then its highly likely he will make new friends fairly quickly. Uh, No Thanks. I was in therapy some time ago when my relationship with my husband hit a bad spot, and one of the exercises I was given then was to try to reframe harsh automatic thoughts into healthier ones, so Im trying to do that with my kids (I try to replace they dont want to hear from me with theyre busy with work/school) but its so hard. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. Whether or not her mom overindulges her, wanting to pick which college she goes to and where she lives hardly makes your daughter a spoiled brat. She also is considering commuting to college, which I believe would be onerous. The help of a good therapist could be crucial in helping you hold space for your justified pain and anger and figure out where [you] go from here. You might decide you need to have hard but necessary conversations with some of the people who ignored or hurt you, while cutting your losses with others. Weve always had a guess about her sexuality though. When we spend so much of our time online, we're bound to learn something while clicking and scrolling . charter ship to port phasmatys / john boy and billy big show podcast / john boy and billy big show podcast She is leaning toward the private school. But more and more, hes started adopting language and mannerisms that are directly from Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, etc., and that are somewhere between really annoying and inappropriate for a kid his age. Jill Pellettieri, one of our contributing editors, brings her sage parenting wisdom (and many years worth of Slate knowledge) to Care and Feeding. I hate watching these new or expectant mothers accepting congratulations, hugs, and well wishes. I dont know where asking for privacy comes from (is this something he hears you or others say, which he may be imitating? In this case our fundamental philosophies for picking names are different and neither of us are willing to compromise. Dear Care and Feeding, My daughter is beautiful. It begins in a month and commuting through the end of the school year is not really feasible for me, so were moving the weekend before I start (me, husband, and son). 2,018 Sq. If he asks you to put on a pair of gloves, dont worry so much about being neutral. Just say I dont want to/need to put on gloves right now and go about your business. Writing into Slate's "Dear Prudence" advice column, the . Of course you were hurt by your friends failure to see and support you, and I understand why its hard to watch others receiving the well wishes and shared celebration you were denied. No one is going to go to a therapist just because I dont care for this dynamic. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. In other words, I am basically pigeonholed, by default, into all duties as a parent, but with none of the say. Lately, I have been teaching my 6-year old daughter about death and grieving. 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